Where does one begin when we discuss same sex attraction (SSA) feelings? We need to begin during puberty when these feelings develop. For me, this was 63 years ago. When I was 13-14 years old, instead of being attracted to girls my age I was attracted to boys. Those feelings arrived in my head and heart at that time and were really unwelcome–there was no way that I would’ve chosen to be gay and then have to deal with that the rest of my life. Far too many confessional Christians believe this is a choice that every gay person made at some point. I didn’t know what to do about these feelings, or whom to talk to. This was something that wasn’t discussed at that time, certainly not in public and not even in private. So what does one do? One may pray and one may hope that they eventually will go away. But over the years in my case they didn’t, and I continued to fight alone. So many others like me will tell you the same story.

I had loving parents who saw to it that I became a child of God as an infant through the means of baptism. They nurtured me in God’s Word through regular church services, Sunday School, eventually Christian day school starting in fifth grade, Christian prep, college, and even seminary to become a pastor. I couldn’t have asked for a better upbringing, yet these feelings moved and grew in my mind and heart for a long time. They still pop up now, but to a much less degree, only because of the Grace of God.

Upon leaving the ministry after eight years–though not necessarily due to these feelings–I started expressing these feelings physically for many years with other men like myself. I was very promiscuous in doing so. But even though I did, I never left the church or stopped attending church. This I believe very firmly was my saving grace. After many years, God’s message of law and gospel had its effect upon my mind and especially my heart, and I was led back to a much closer personal relationship with my savior Jesus. Though it took many years to sink in, I’m most appreciative and thankful for this lifelong lesson. When we dig into Scripture, we see it’s not a unique experience among God’s people. Solomon, who wrote Ecclesiastes at the end of his life, comes to mind.

He wrote Meaningless! Meaningless! Says the Teacher. Everything is meaningless!’ ….Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. Eccl. 12:8 & 13

Several years back, I was in church again when the pastor said right in the middle of his sermon, after mentioning homosexuality he said, “And by the way, if there’s anyone in church today who struggles with this, come see me and we’ll talk about it. My door is always open.” I nearly jumped up with my hands in the air and said “Hallelujah!” but I didn’t because it was a Lutheran church. I did go and talk to him, though. Finally, after so many years of having to keep this a secret, I could share my struggle with someone and receive prayer and support. I hope I can help others now, too.

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Editor’s Note

John was called home in 2021 following a painful battle with cancer. Shortly after the diagnosis he wrote to his friends, Jesus is my strength and gives me the strength to move forward to the end of my earthly life. Jesus will return and transform my sin and disease-infested body to live in a transformed world with Jesus eternally. His friends confirm that the following many months of unsuccessful treatments were unable to shake this faith, and we look forward to reuniting with him in the endless embrace of our Savior.